I found this amusing comment by jph in the Fresh Crackers! thread on Pharyngula. The great thing is, the trollish theists really were saying these things (paraphrased)!

Atheist: "I'm going to do disrespectful things to a cracker!"

Theist: "I'm going to harass you, have you fired, have you arrested, and make death threats against you!"

Atheist: "That's insane! It's just a cracker!"

Theist: "Respect my beliefs! You do not understand the subtle mystery of Transubstantiation! Your criticisms, of which we are bored, were debunked centuries ago! I'm not explaining how! You are being childish! I am being adultish! You are not engaging in rational, intellectual debate! You are an angry, vile, sick, foolish, rebellious, un-American, hateful hate criminal! You're probably a pedophile, too! And you play WoW in your basement! You do what you do because you secretly believe my religion is true! You wouldn't disrespect a Koran because Muslims would kill you! This proves something! I'm not sure what! You are denying people their humanity! Your criticism of wrongdoing is hypocritical because, as a materialist, you are incapable of morality since you believe everyone is made only of atoms! You should join the KKK, you Trotskyite! You have a beard! Hitler was an atheist because he hated the Church! Only atheists hate the Church! 100 million people were murdered by atheists just like you! The Secularists' anti-Catholic death purges will begin soon! Help! Help! I'm being persecuted! Respect my beliefs!"

Atheist: "Wow, man... do you smoke the Host too?"